Middle Night Over Tired

Middle of the night over tired insomnia
 Pulling sleep is like waking teeth
  Maybe every thing is for the best
   or at least fatally unchangeable

predetermination is inherited incapacity
     change is scary and hard to do
   I walk and hear the televisions
in the middle the mixture is brown


the blue and white light flashes hypnotic
   my parents sleep in different rooms
     to different subliminal dream seed
perhaps you're better half off without me

I wonder what the TV dreams when it's not awake
       selling sex fear desire and greed
  soaking up hours and years making
escaping scapegoat faking love near

What is the sound of a family of one
   where are none of your friends
keep them close mistaking the reason
grab the cat hear the fat purring clear

There are a few fish in the freezer
but they're disappearing from the sea
      and the streams of thoughts
  pour out of my head like blood


The jeans are tight and i'm singing
           high pitched with fright
the night seems to last all mourning
and i don't know what's worth the fight

i can't spell and don't believe in heaven
 gory to god in the high fear of hell
  let swell the choking choirs cries
   at least to make me feel something


I well up constantly 
    but cannot cry

I'm keeping it all pinched inside

I want something to hurt me outright

                            Clear my Clouded Sight


     Alas, We are all absolutely alone in the end
        Collect you, one or one hundred friends
     Have a Husband or a Wife and Five Children nigh
     Not one person can come with you when you die

              When my time draws near
           I hope I've let go of my fear
       so that if I do go somewhere to dwell
          Inside my mind it would be heaven

---

Also available as a Podcast:.